Preston Leadership Blog

The Work in Studying a Situation

I find myself rushing to conclusions more often these days. Sometimes I worry that I’m missing important considerations, sometimes I don’t.

Fortunately, like the vast majority of us, I’m right more often than I’m wrong. If humans were wrong more often than right, the universe would move at a snail’s pace. If we had to think about routine tasks every time we had to perform them, our conscious minds would be totally overloaded. So we find shortcuts, and that’s not new to human beings.

Part of our eagerness to “just make a decision!” comes from our ancient survival instincts. The faster we can sum up a situation, the more likely we are to make the best of it, and maybe come out the other side alive. When our ancestors first started to truly reason and contemplate potential consequences, they had already been using some form of verbal language/sounds for a long time. But soon enough, they needed a new phrase, a new concept altogether: “what if?”

This stuff fascinates me. Our ability to consider complex consequences in a somewhat uncertain future with partial information is perhaps one of the most important human developments of all time. We plan, at some level, almost constantly, but most of it is subconscious.

Interestingly, another absolutely critical human intelligence milestone was the ability to draw, or to “depict” as scientists like to say. But this is important, because combined with the ability to plan and anticipate consequences was when influence really took hold as a leadership method. Before that we could only threaten, now we could persuade. 

 Influence in leadership is like chocolate in a Hershey bar. Incredibly, some leaders still rely on fear and intimidation to get results through other people. That’s not just outdated, it’s primitive. Sometimes it helps to remember that when you’re up against a leader whose style is all bluster and threats.

 Back to my our propensity to rush to conclusions. My brain is lazy. But wait, so is yours, according to David Eagleman in “Incognito: The Secret Lives of the Brain”. It simply takes more time and energy to imagine and deliberate potential solutions and courses of action. Both hemispheres of our brains need to engage, and one wins. 

 So, when energy and time are limited and finite, our brains learn shortcuts which get reinforced quickly. We develop successful habits this way. While faster decisions can enable faster action and improve our odds of success against a physical threat, often times it pays to think through a situation when the stakes are high. Some of us have to fight against this more diligently than others.

As the Car Talk guys say, sometimes we’re “unencumbered by the thought process”. Who hasn’t been every now and then?

Communicate Differently in 3 Ways in 2013

Whether you’re hoping for significant advancement in your career or maybe in your personal relationships, time spent on three key communication skills will be time well spent. There have been 9 zillion books written on communication techniques, so you may decide to start with a good one. Or, if you don’t, you can start with these three essential ingredients.

You’re bound to notice a difference in the way people respond to you at work and at home when you:

1. “Seek to understand, then to be understood” (Stephen Covey). If listening is a lost art, then talking too much is graffiti. Sincerely paying attention to what others are saying and not saying (take notes if you need to), is a very powerful way to improve your effectiveness. But we all know people who talk too much. They never ask questions. They like to one-up. It’s tiring. Be an active listener and you might just learn something, not the least of which is how to respond most effectively. Develop the courage to break in; some people just start talking until the other person shuts up.
2. Sometimes start with the punchline. Sounds simple, but leading someone down a path for too long can damage your credibility. If you take too long to get to the point you will eventually lose your listener. Information needs to flow crisply, but not aggressively. State what’s important to you clearly and succinctly, remembering that speaking “at” someone rarely gets you anywhere. Make it a conversation and you’re more likely to get buy-in.
3. Learn to write more better! I really believe that everyone can improve his communication skills. Remember that what passes for interesting and effective in person can fall totally flat on paper. When your audience cannot see or hear you, they cannot pick up on non-verbal clues you normally send, such as enthusiasm - or lack thereof. I am surprised at how many really smart people don’t write well. Try listening to yourself annunciate what you want to say (in your head - use your inside voice), then write from that. When you drop some unnecessary formalities and big words, you begin to write like you sound. People will be more likely to tune in. 

 Maybe it would be easier to think of them as New Year’s Resolutions:

1. Try not to talk too much, and be a better listener.
2. Get to the point.
3. Work on written communication skills.

These are mine. Happy New Year!

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Who hasn't put his foot in his mouth? I know I have. This week a nice little reminder of the gravity of the situation at RIM came across my desk and I had to pass it along:

RIM’s Heins Quickly Lodges Foot in Mouth

New CEO drops a quote that will live in infamy

Jan 23, 2012, 1:38 pm EST   |   By Tom Taulli, InvestorPlace Writer

 If a company loses more than 70% of its value in less than a year, Wall Street usually cheers when a new CEO comes on board. But in the case of Research In Motion (NASDAQ:RIMM), things have not gone according to the playbook. The stock was down more than 6% Monday after RIM announced new leadership.

Then again, the new CEO — Thorsten Heins — seems to be a lackey of the former co-CEOs, Jim Balsillie and Mike Lazaridis. Despite the fact that RIM is getting crushed by Apple (NASDAQ:AAPL) and Google (NASDAQ:GOOG), Thorsten actually proclaimed, “I don’t think that there is a drastic change needed.”

Lots of leaders feel that they must fill every moment of silence with their own sweet voices. There are people who virtually never stop talking. I've railed about this before because it drives me bonkers.

Now, if everything they said was intriguing, insightful, visionary and witty, I could listen all day long. The problem is, I suppose, a difference of opinion. They must have thought their words were all those things, but alas I did not.

It's hard to listen for more than 10 minutes when the content is either full of minutia, scattered all over the place, or full of self-aggrandizing. 

Mr. Thorsten, the new CEO of RIM is either totally out of touch or allowed his mouth to continue after his brain stopped paying attention. No need for drastic change? Seriously?

Just Say "No" to Loud Restaurants with Open Desks

Last Tuesday I scheduled two appointments far apart and at either end of the day, meaning I would be wasting a lot of time driving back and forth. So, at 9pm the night before I searched for a Starbucks or Panera Bread where I could spend about 4 hours between meetings.

Even if I could avoid the unnecessary driving, the problem with restaurants is noise and a lack of space to spread out. I had calls to make, but in the car or at a loud restaurant. Fortunately I remembered a much smarter alternative: Open Desks.

At 9pm on my phone, I was able to easily find an office with a door, a landline, coffee, and Internet halfway between my two meetings. The price was right and the process was simple. The next morning I breezed in, gave them my name, and they led me to my office. After they showed me where the coffee, the copier and the bathroom were, and I was working in under 5 minutes.

I didn’t have to do much to find a perfect place to spend 4 hours. Now that I know about this new “on-call office” in Malvern, PA, I actually look forward to being there - and avoiding down time. 

 

Manage Up or Be Disappointed

The very idea of managing one’s boss (“managing up”) is quickly coming back into the mainstream. Subordinates the world over raise their eyebrows when we suggest that it’s not only OK to manage your boss, it’s something you really must do.

The late Peter Drucker wrote about it in 1999, typically pushing the envelope in his time. Those who admire Drucker, including me, consider NOW to be his time – but that’s for another post.

Many good articles and books have been published on the topic since then.

As you might imagine, there are lots of similarities between managing a direct report and managing a boss. For example, setting expectations. Why do so many leaders fail to manage their boss’ expectations well? Surprises are usually not good. Avoiding conflict now often leads to unavoidable strife later.

My dad liked to say, “If you work for a man, work for him.” He was talking about loyalty. It’s never a good idea to be disloyal to your boss.

Finally, get to know your boss’s communication preferences. Drucker puts leaders into two categories in this regard: readers or listeners. Do you rush into your boss’ office with new information, expecting him to make a decision on the spot? It’s more likely that you’ll get the decision you want if you give him time to absorb the information in writing first. Obviously emergencies are emergencies, but readers strongly prefer a little time to ponder.

Or, do you send your boss volumes of information via e-mail (or paper), only to be disappointed when you learn that she didn’t even read it! Listeners prefer to evaluate facts on the spot, discuss options, and make the call. Volumes of data are not nearly as influential with this style of communication as an overview would be. Give ‘em the summaries.

Interacting with your boss in the most effective way will get you what you want more quickly. It’s really as simple as that. Why do so many people miss this? Send me an e-mail if you’d like to discuss.

You and Your Boss

I read a great blog post by Linda Hill and Ken Lineback in Harvard Business Review called “In Pursuit of a Better Boss”. I liked their emphasis on accountability. In my experience, many “bad bosses” are parties to a dysfunctional relationship; and one that can be fixed if both sides are willing to work at it.

It won’t surprise anyone that good communication is the foundation of a mutually rewarding and productive relationship at work. When we trust each other we can disagree without emotion, and be challenged without getting defensive. Getting all the best ideas out on the table assures the best decisions.

One of the bosses I particularly enjoyed working for at eBay, Mike Bringuel, once said, “Smart people should disagree”. He wouldn’t let his team sidestep disagreements to maintain harmony. After a brief adjustment period, we got used to it and became a much more productive group.

The trend toward more candor at work may sound counter-intuitive in today’s hyper-litigious workplace, but it’s not. The better we get at expressing ourselves in ways that don’t cause problems, the better off our companies will be.

Lots of people are afraid to disagree with their boss or other executives! I hear stories all the time from CEOs who have built teams of yes-people. They complain about not getting honest feedback. Hill and Lineback say that both sides have a responsibility to fix it.

I couldn’t agree more. In work relationships where the stakes are high, there’s a hierarchy and pressure to perform, people can become tentative. What they need to do is learn to speak up appropriately. Bosses need to prove that they can take it by not attacking subordinates who challenge them. It takes time but the payoff is huge.

Do You Have a “Tell”?

Good Poker players learn to spot other players' "tells", those (mostly) subconscious signals that we send out when we have a good or bad hand. Looking around the table in a certain way, fumbling with chips, and sighing are examples of common "tells". Learning to eliminate one's "tells" is an important skill in Poker and other games that require a degree of deception.

Do you (or does your leader) have "tells"?

I used to work for a great boss who had one. When she asked me if we could "chat" I always knew that something was wrong. But when she asked me if I had a minute or if we could "talk", I knew that the meeting would be positive. Worked like a charm and when I told her about it one day, she had no idea she was telegraphing the nature of her requests. She'd also drink a ton of coffee on the way to work and be so wired when she arrived that everyone would brace themselves for long lists of stuff to do. Empty travel mug in hand meant watch out! But LeAnne was an excellent leader.

For many, silence is a "tell". So many people have told me that when their boss goes silent, they know something bad is brewing. Doors closed? Uh-oh.

Leaders have a responsibility to communicate. This is not optional. Nature certainly loves a vacuum, and in the absence of their leader's voice, people will draw conclusions of their own. We've all seen this happen. Anyone who has had to dig his organization out of a hole created by secrecy at the top knows how difficult it can be. Morale is like an aircraft carrier; it takes time to turn it around. Don't go any farther down a path if the truth will surely require a 180.

Communication is not just talking; it's also listening. Want to engage key contributors? Discuss. Leaders should not strive to have the last word.

Abusing the authority that comes with a leadership position can take many forms, not the least of which is squelching healthy debate because it is uncomfortable. Have the courage to participate in conversations that challenge conventions. Stop a debate only when it becomes disrespectful or tangential.

Learn to be influential. There are millions of brilliant people who are not heard because of poor communication skills. If it is your responsibility to communicate, then work on it as you would any other critical job skill. Charm only goes so far – there are earnest techniques that can bring clarity to complex issues in the workplace and inspire others to higher levels of performance.

 

Again

The English language is full of traps, making it one of the harder languages to learn. Words have two or even three meanings and depending upon their inflection or placement in a sentence, their meaning can be dramatically different. This is one reason e-mail is a challenging medium and why we have created emoticons to help get our true sentiment across.

One such word that is troublesome for me is "again".

Adding a question mark gives "again" a range of meanings, some of which express exasperation. Maybe this is why the word "again" without a question mark can also carry a tone that conveys impatience or even condescension.

Consider this: When someone doesn't understand what you're trying to say, or maybe wants to challenge you, starting your reply with "again", as in the example below, can feel a bit aggressive.

1^st person: "What did you mean when you said "soon"?

2^nd person: "Again, I did not say anything that would imply immediacy. I simply tried to estimate a timeframe."

Inserting "again" at the beginning gives the response a little edge, something like, "OK dummy, apparently you didn't understand what I said the first time" or "How many times do I need to say this so that you will understand?" Not always, but often times this is what I hear.

I think the use of "again" to help with clarification isn't necessary and can sometimes create a bit of defensiveness in the listener. Do you agree with this or am I too sensitive?

The Feedback Generations

"Let me give you some feedback." That simple phrase often sets the stage for some degree of defensiveness. Most of us, without even realizing it, anticipate a need to defend ourselves when we hear those or similar words. The old fight or flight response kicks in - even when there is no physical threat.

But some of us handle feedback much better than others.  I've noticed that Generations X and Y (a.k.a "Millennials") are, in general, better at receiving feedback than Baby Boomers; and their future looks bright because of it. What can we learn from this?

They Start Young

We Baby Boomers take pride in our independence and self-sufficiency. Men in particular don't tend to ask for help until it's absolutely necessary.  Add to that your mother's advice: "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Politeness aside, the idea of giving constructive feedback is something many leaders struggle with regardless of their age or position in an organization.

But a large percentage of post-Baby Boomers grow up with experience on some kind of team. They are more accustomed to feedback and have always had convenient communication technology at their disposal. Virtually chatting with several friends simultaneously hasn't been commonplace for all that long. Some would argue that the proliferation of Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn and even e-mail has led to social isolation, but I see it differently.

Requests for feedback and customer experience ratings have become ubiquitous. We are quickly learning about the power of perceptions and the value of viewpoints besides our own. Our always-on, Internet-connected society makes it incredibly easy to request, receive and provide feedback. Certainly there are issues as a result - such as the 'false courage' that plays out as nothing more than passive-aggressive disrespect, but thoughtful constructive feedback is a higher form of social interaction that ultimately serves the common good.

For Generations X and Y, giving feedback feels more like a social obligation. And receiving feedback is just the other side of the coin. We don't have to like it but we should certainly aim to get used to it.

By embracing an open channel of regular two-way feedback, leaders will be more accountable, more informed and more involved with their peers, subordinates and customers. Fortunately for future generations it will seem like old hat.
 
Social networking has connected and re-connected countless millions of people by methods not available only a short time ago. Many a formal and informal support group has been created, opening the floodgates of feedback and constructive criticism. But I hope that society as a whole learns how to give and receive feedback more appropriately (and consistently) in cyberspace. Chances are good that the leaders of tomorrow will have mastered it, and if so their own careers as well as those of the people who report to them will be well-served.

Bring Back (a little) Decorum, Please!

Guest post by Chris DiFonzo, Co-Founder and CEO of Opendesks, LLC

It's true, where to seat a prince for dinner as a guest in my home never became relevant.  Still, those professional etiquette workshops that "the man" made me take had value.  Shake, even if someone is visibly sick?  Yes!  Lift your glass when being toasted?  Nope.  Arrive late for calls and meetings?  Obvious.

Then what gives?  Lateness, lack of follow up, and lack of formality are prolific today, even among enterprise consultants, salespeople, managers, and executives.  The worst thing about perpetually more casual behavior in business is it's a death spiral.  Business culture is organic, not static, and our daily interactions either raise the bar or push it down.

Entrepreneurs, freelancers, and creative independents, this is an opportunity to differentiate ourselves.  I'm calling myself out and asking you to join me.  Let's set the example by bringing back (a little) decorum.

Three basics to get us going:

1. Say what you're going to do, and do it.  A simple formula - learn it and live it.  Your word matters; treat it like a contract.  Think before making commitments.  Once made, follow through.
2. Thank people.  Walt Disney was known for writing handwritten thank you's daily. Try it for your most important ones, it feels great and people remember. Always formally thank customers and people who refer business to you.  Failure to appropriately thank others is lazy and tragic.  (Self-disclosure: A little behind on thank you's myself; I'm going to start catching up today.)
3. Learn names and use them.  If I had a dollar for every time I've heard, "I'm not good with names;" I'd be a gazillionaire.  Excuse, copout, laziness.  Make it a point to learn people's names and use them, it's fundamental.  The first rule to remembering names (and anything) is intent to remember.  When we care enough to remember, it's amazing how easy it usually is.

Perspectives on business etiquette vary widely, by person, culture, and organization.  Whatever your perspective is, consider applying a little more protocol, formality, and decorum.  Digging deep, I recall from those workshops, this final point:  It's always acceptable to use one's culture as a reason to be more formal, but never as an excuse to be less so.

- Chris DiFonzo