Preston Leadership Blog

The Feedback Generations

"Let me give you some feedback." That simple phrase often sets the stage for some degree of defensiveness. Most of us, without even realizing it, anticipate a need to defend ourselves when we hear those or similar words. The old fight or flight response kicks in - even when there is no physical threat.

But some of us handle feedback much better than others.  I've noticed that Generations X and Y (a.k.a "Millennials") are, in general, better at receiving feedback than Baby Boomers; and their future looks bright because of it. What can we learn from this?

They Start Young

We Baby Boomers take pride in our independence and self-sufficiency. Men in particular don't tend to ask for help until it's absolutely necessary.  Add to that your mother's advice: "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

Politeness aside, the idea of giving constructive feedback is something many leaders struggle with regardless of their age or position in an organization.

But a large percentage of post-Baby Boomers grow up with experience on some kind of team. They are more accustomed to feedback and have always had convenient communication technology at their disposal. Virtually chatting with several friends simultaneously hasn't been commonplace for all that long. Some would argue that the proliferation of Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn and even e-mail has led to social isolation, but I see it differently.

Requests for feedback and customer experience ratings have become ubiquitous. We are quickly learning about the power of perceptions and the value of viewpoints besides our own. Our always-on, Internet-connected society makes it incredibly easy to request, receive and provide feedback. Certainly there are issues as a result - such as the 'false courage' that plays out as nothing more than passive-aggressive disrespect, but thoughtful constructive feedback is a higher form of social interaction that ultimately serves the common good.

For Generations X and Y, giving feedback feels more like a social obligation. And receiving feedback is just the other side of the coin. We don't have to like it but we should certainly aim to get used to it.

By embracing an open channel of regular two-way feedback, leaders will be more accountable, more informed and more involved with their peers, subordinates and customers. Fortunately for future generations it will seem like old hat.
 
Social networking has connected and re-connected countless millions of people by methods not available only a short time ago. Many a formal and informal support group has been created, opening the floodgates of feedback and constructive criticism. But I hope that society as a whole learns how to give and receive feedback more appropriately (and consistently) in cyberspace. Chances are good that the leaders of tomorrow will have mastered it, and if so their own careers as well as those of the people who report to them will be well-served.

Bring Back (a little) Decorum, Please!

Guest post by Chris DiFonzo, Co-Founder and CEO of Opendesks, LLC

It's true, where to seat a prince for dinner as a guest in my home never became relevant.  Still, those professional etiquette workshops that "the man" made me take had value.  Shake, even if someone is visibly sick?  Yes!  Lift your glass when being toasted?  Nope.  Arrive late for calls and meetings?  Obvious.

Then what gives?  Lateness, lack of follow up, and lack of formality are prolific today, even among enterprise consultants, salespeople, managers, and executives.  The worst thing about perpetually more casual behavior in business is it's a death spiral.  Business culture is organic, not static, and our daily interactions either raise the bar or push it down.

Entrepreneurs, freelancers, and creative independents, this is an opportunity to differentiate ourselves.  I'm calling myself out and asking you to join me.  Let's set the example by bringing back (a little) decorum.

Three basics to get us going:

1. Say what you're going to do, and do it.  A simple formula - learn it and live it.  Your word matters; treat it like a contract.  Think before making commitments.  Once made, follow through.
2. Thank people.  Walt Disney was known for writing handwritten thank you's daily. Try it for your most important ones, it feels great and people remember. Always formally thank customers and people who refer business to you.  Failure to appropriately thank others is lazy and tragic.  (Self-disclosure: A little behind on thank you's myself; I'm going to start catching up today.)
3. Learn names and use them.  If I had a dollar for every time I've heard, "I'm not good with names;" I'd be a gazillionaire.  Excuse, copout, laziness.  Make it a point to learn people's names and use them, it's fundamental.  The first rule to remembering names (and anything) is intent to remember.  When we care enough to remember, it's amazing how easy it usually is.

Perspectives on business etiquette vary widely, by person, culture, and organization.  Whatever your perspective is, consider applying a little more protocol, formality, and decorum.  Digging deep, I recall from those workshops, this final point:  It's always acceptable to use one's culture as a reason to be more formal, but never as an excuse to be less so.

- Chris DiFonzo